I have been meaning to write this for some time now. The more aware I become, the more frustration I feel toward people with no regards to others. People are treating others like objects. They are treating others as something to be used and feel A-okay about it. Some people think there is no need for basic etiquette today. I have literally had people attempt to argue that etiquette is old fashion. They reasoned it is only used for external validation so they may “belong” to a smaller exclusive group. I beg to differ. Its basic importance lies in how you treat people. High achievers too can end up becoming self-absorbed in our own orbit neglecting to acknowledge those in our midst. We have a tendency to become absorbed in our own creations and achievements. Even if you are a task minded person, etiquette is still relevant today. Here are a few highlights:
Acknowledge their Presence
When passing colleagues that you know will pass again throughout the day, take a second to greet them with the appropriate time of day. A simple “Good Morning”, “Afternoon”, will go a long way. People form impressions of us quickly—within seconds. Get off on a good foot by offering a simple greeting. A “hello” or “hi” will suffice. They are not invisible, and neither are you. We were blessed with a good amount of peripheral vision. Acknowledge them.
If you want to go above and beyond and ask “How are you”, feel free. However, it is not required. Don’t ask if you do not want to know. If they ask you in their greeting, it warrants a response. It is a question afterall! Even if you are having a bad day you can keep it to a brief, “Going well. Could be worse. Thanks”. You are alive and well, so that is one thing that is going well! You are a high achiever you’ll get the rest in check with your magical working powers. Greet others in passing. Don’t treat them as invisible objects and you certainly aren’t wearing an invisibility cloak. They can see you too, and they will remember that time when you did not speak.
Introducing others
If you are in the presence of two friends who are unfamiliar with one another. Introduce them to one another. I try not to add class or rank into this because everyone becomes equals for me. I am not going to neglect introducing a friend to a person of means. I’ve noticed that people do this sometimes. It sends the signal that this person is not worth being introduced. You’ve just revealed your mask on how you truly feel about them. Treat everyone equally.
Also, if you have introduced yourself to a person more than three occasions and they still act ‘brand new’ as though you’ve never met, do yourself the favor of avoiding that person moving forward. You are out there meeting just as many people and can still recognize them. Something is fishy. Three strikes; they are out.
Conversing
When you are playing catch up, do not start talking about what you are working on until asked. If they do ask, don’t reveal all the secrets of the kingdom. There is no need to talk ad-nauseum about your latest and greatest project without letting the other person talk about what they have going on or allowing them to ask questions. We call that “showboating”. If they do not ask questions, then they are revealing their mask- They really do not care.
Notice how others try to one-up you based on something you just said. For instance, If you simple said that you ‘summered at the beach’ and their response is “Cool, I summered in Africa on the safari, hunted game, and mounted them in the family’s main home”. They are showboating, and it probably didn’t happen or perhaps in a less embellished way.
Also notice how some people try to diminish your work when you simply and briefly reported overview of your new project you are working on, new business you’re starting or the new promotion, etc. For instance, I serve as Board President, and work a full-time job in Operations. This individual said, “so you are just like the rest of us working two jobs to make ends meet and pay off student loans.” I was a bit stunned. I earned my way to that role. They did not just give it to me. Knowing that I donate money, volunteer my time, and have no student loans, made it all the more frustrating. I was taken aback because an ignorant assumption was made. Some people do not have the capability of not leading with their biases and prejudices. At the end of the day, you are fulfilling your work—your callings in life. No need to compare. When you encounter this multiple times, this is a person to avoid. Your friends should congratulate you genuinely, cheer you one and offer assistance if needed in the future. Simple.
Cell phone calls for me is limited to setting an appointment to meet up. It is highly annoying to hear someone’s entire conversation about their dog pooping in the bed and how this proceeded to ruin their entire day. Conversations are usually private, but if you insist on taking the call in near proximity to you are a group, politely let them know that you are going to take the call, step away, and speak in a normal tone. You do not have to yell. Telephones have volume buttons these days. Business people—anyone really—conducting themselves in such egregious manner, can accidentally share business secrets, spread misinformation, offend and annoy others. Remember, people are always listening and taking in information that they need to navigate their own lives. They might see you as a bright red flag and choose not to do business with you in the future. Lastly, also, unless you are expecting an emergency, the phone should be off or faced down—better yet off of the table during a meeting or dinner. End of discussion.
Ending a conversation
High achievers are always on the move. We might appear anxious and not want to talk. It may be true that we really need to get back to work. Still acknowledge their presence by greeting them, and if they go into this diatribe of some issue they are facing or become self-absorbed in the conversation about themselves, be honest with them. Let them know that you would love to hear more, but you have a deadline to meet—you have timelines afterall, right? You can let them know that you it is great to see them and that you can circle back to complete the conversation later. The same works for online messaging, if you are not in the mood to chat, make yourself invisible or reply quickly to the message letting them know that you’d like to hear more….later. Don’t leave them on read. No one should feel ghosted.
These are just a sample of my pet peeves when it comes to interacting with others. Etiquette in its basic form helps you navigate the world in better harmony. I am sure that you encountered some blatant etiquette violations! What are some that really get your blood boiling? Feel free to leave a comment below!
