This week will be full of new opportunities and challenges. Here is my thought for the week: There is an art to handling differences of opinion. Sometimes, the debate resembles modern art where a masterpiece is made by splattering paint.
“Mature people never make difference of opinion a means of conflict.” –Fethullah Gulen
Once I was speaking with a colleague who was telling me about her new work assignment. While she was excited about the project, she was paired with another colleague with who she did not really get along. Over the years, they had plenty of disputes that ended up in arguments, and she could not fathom how her boss would not be discerning enough to pair her with another colleague. Unfortunately, she had to deal with the card she was dealt, again. After all, they were both considered experts in the project’s subject matter. “He is already talking over me and cutting me off mid-sentence.” She told me with suppressed frustration seeping through. “What am I supposed to do?”
Dealing with personality differences is something that we all will encounter at some point in our lives. I’ve dealt with my own circumstances, with team members and with superiors. Personally, I believe that differences of opinion are exacerbated during its delivery. Offering one’s opinion in an overt, matter of fact, tone will not get you anywhere. Instead, one should utilize the Socratic philosophy of arriving at a conclusion using questions. Sure, one might have an opinion, but first seek to understand the alternative point of view. Be careful how you are approaching others with your opinion of how something should be done. Let the process play out and consider all ideas. A discerning person will be aware of how to deliver new ideas not impose them on others. They will be able to successfully merge different ideas—creating a stronger solution. Consensus is skill that anyone can improve upon.
Once, I had a boss who raised their voice at me. Being me, I asked if they had lost their little mind. Perhaps not the best response, but that had never happened to me. I was taken aback. I think I expected more from a superior. Above that, I was confident my actions were justified, and would not demand PR strategist to straighten out. In the end, the decision turned out to be a good one, but tension and distrust had been formed from the onset and subsequently going forward. Sometimes you will pay that price for standing up for oneself. When you give people permission to mistreat you, the doors have been opened to take it to the next level. However, a more appropriate response to someone who outright disagrees with you, is to calmly ask them why they believe the decision was a shortsighted one, and then ask what one should have done instead. Hear them out, accept their position, try not to argue, but do understand the deed has been done, and the only thing anyone can do is await the consequence. If the decision turns out to be a poor one be prepared to own up to the mistake and fix it. Most things are fixable. Do not dwell. Focus on your next action.
There is an art to not taking a difference of opinion personally. While there are those who automatically play the Devil’s advocate, just understand that it is their process of learning and reaching conclusions. There is beauty in a good debate, and I am not one to shy away from one! It can really spark creativity and create energy in a stagnant process. Just remember to maintain your composure, never raise your voice, and by all means do not resort to character assassination. The ones who do that have already lost. While they might win the battle, they will never win the war. Stick to the subject at hand, be open to compromise, and if you end up winning the debate, never ever gloat.
You might want to to check out this Master Class with Chris Voss to learn the Art of Negotiation.
